My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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