I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is Oprah even human
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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