After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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