I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
