My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
