Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
