All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
