I need to stop coming to work sober
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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