Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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