I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
