Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
