if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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