Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
