im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Pants 0. Shit 1.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
