Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
