i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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