I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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