Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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