I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
