At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
