I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
