Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
it hurts more in the daytime
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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