i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
