Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
