Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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