forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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