Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
