Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
