And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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