I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
