just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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