He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
