"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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