i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
