you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
