Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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