Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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