There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i think my cat just said my name.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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