Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
