Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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