Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
