Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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