I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
