don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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