PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
home. puking in laundry basket.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
