I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Mom said you looked used
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Success! We fucked roommates!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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