The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
