I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
