reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
