Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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