Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
