The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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