Your face is a jimmy john
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
